Age-appropriate behaviour strategies (2024)

Babies

Babies don’t need discipline. Babies cry because they’re hungry, wet, tired, in pain or need to be held. You can’t spoil a baby by tending to their needs.

When they start crawling, they get into everything so make sure you baby proof your home to keep them safe while exploring. As your baby grows, it’s likely you will start to develop a routine, but it’s important to be flexible. At this age, distracting a baby or offering them an alternative activity when they are doing something you don’t like, is going to be more effective than saying ‘Don’t’ or showing anger.

Toddlers and pre-schoolers

Toddlers and preschoolers are beginning to learn the basic rules of positive behaviour, but they can be challenging at times.

Be a good role model. Behave as you would want your child to behave.
Think ahead. Don’t leave fragile or valuable things around for little ones to play with. If they haven’t seen them before, they may not know to treat them with care.
Use distraction. Toddlers and preschoolers can get very emotional and throw tantrums when things aren’t going their way, or when they are struggling to express themselves. Sometimes the best strategy is simply to distract them with a change of location or activity.
Give lots of praise and stick to routines. Whenever you see your toddler or preschooler doing the right thing, such as tidying their toys or helping a friend, let them know that you’ve noticed and you are proud of them. Keep to routines to help children feel secure and make sure they get plenty of sleep.

The calming impact of nature

Think about ways to keep children and young people calm when emotions seem to ‘fly out of control’. Try taking them swimming regularly, get back to nature with bush walking or focus them through a regular outdoor sport. Sometimes this helps reduce frustrations and can have a calming impact on behavior and emotions.

School-aged kids and teenagers

Once kids are at school, you can start putting in place clear rules, limits and boundaries. This helps them learn independence, take responsibility and begin solving their own problems.

Discipline will be most effective when you are consistent, communicate openly and often, and keep up a warm and loving family environment. Here are some ideas for encouraging positive behaviour in the child or young person in your care.

Use effective discipline strategies to encourage positive behaviour.
Lead by example, and model the kind of positive behaviour you hope to see in them, such as respecting people and good listening.
Help them discover their strengths so they feel good about themselves.
Share the discussion about setting rules and establishing consequences for breaking them.
Talk to them about their choices and possible consequences.
Teach them that rights and responsibilities go hand-in-hand.
Always reinforce and reward positive behaviour with warmth and praise.
Plan ahead by preventing situations that commonly lead or trigger challenging behavior - such as making sure they’re not over-tired before going out.
Avoid labels and name-calling statements like 'You're such a lazy kid' or 'Aren't you hopeless'; instead, talk in terms of how their actions affect you, for example 'I feel let down when you don't help me around the house'.
Keep your cool and focus on addressing the behaviour rather than getting involved in power struggles.
Make sure they understand why they’re being disciplined.
Speak in a calm but firm tone – this shows you mean what you say and expect them to do it

Parenting support services

The following organisations and educators provide support and guidance on parenting issues to carers of children and young people.

Raising Children Network
Free parenting resources and information for all stages and ages – lots of tips, tools and videos.

Relationships Australia
1300 364 277
Offers a range of support services including counselling, therapy and mediation services. Relationships Australia also has a specialist service to help reslove issues between teenagers and their parents or carers.

Karitane
1300 CARING (1300 227 464)
Provides parenting education services, activities and events for carers of newborns to five-year-olds.

Tresillian
1300 2 PARENT (1300 272 736)
Offering guidance for carers of babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers through phone counselling, online counselling, education programs, outreach visits and residential stays.

Parent Line
1300 1300 52
Counselling, information and referral service for carers and parents of children aged up to 18.

KidsMatter
An Australian mental health and wellbeing initiative set in primary schools and early childhood education centres. The website has a range of resources and information sheets with ideas on how to support kids' learning, emotional development, social development and family relationships; go to the website and search 'Parenting support and information'.

Triple P Positive Parenting Program
Triple P providers are located in city and regional areas in NSW. You can be part of a Triple P program online or attend public seminars, group courses or private sessions. Check the website for details.

Tuning into Kids and Tuning into Teens
(03) 9371 0214
Held at locations across Australia, these evidence-based programs teach parents and carers to recognise, understand and respond to children’s emotions in an accepting and supportive way. Book in for a class or purchase books or DVDs online.

ParentWorks
Developed by a team of psychologists and researchers at the University of Sydney, ParentWorks is a free, 'father-friendly' program for caregivers of children aged up to 16. The program is completed online and makes use of digital features including weekly videos and an interactive behaviour tracker.

Aboriginal Child, Family and Community Care State Secretariat (AbSec)
1800 888 698
Providing advice and advocacy services for the carers of Aboriginal children.

My Forever Family NSW
1300 782 975 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 7pm)
Providing support, advocacy and training to foster, kin and relative carers across NSW